20-somethings: love or work? August 9, 2008
Why should work come first?
So when a promising new job or graduate school requires a cross-country move, we are encouraged to take advantage—no matter what we are leaving behind. If getting ahead means working nonstop, leaving little time for romance, we shouldn’t fret. We can worry about that in our 30s.
According to Dr. Twenge, this new attitude partly explains why 20-somethings are hooking up more and settling down less, focusing instead on career aspirations. For some 20-somethings, this happens by accident. “I never made a deliberate effort to put my career first,” says Florence, 26, of Cleveland. “But that ended up happening. I don’t regret it, but I am definitely conscious of being single now more than ever, since we’re getting to the age group when people typically begin to find their long-term mates.” Plus, our twenties are a time to be new in our fields—and that only lasts so long. As Uyen, a 27-year-old New Yorker, noted, “If you don’t try to solidify your career, you’ll end up in your 30s with no real track record or foundation.”
Can you retrofit romance?
With this tunnel vision, it can be hard to share life with another person. Alexis, 27, of Los Angeles, who’s pursuing a career on stage, says that while her work helps her meet people, it also makes relationships volatile. “Most of my boyfriends have been fellow actors and dancers. But the instability of our careers can sometimes hinder relationships. We’re always hunting for the next job and don’t know when or where it will be. Our 20s are a time of discovery, which means instability is inevitable.”
So what’s a 20-something to do? That sense of discovery is the hallmark of the quarter-life experience. We have to take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves, but this makes it tough to forge lasting partnerships. Adulthood, it seems, doesn’t unfold in a neat series of boxes to check off. We want to believe we can have it all, but can we really?
Uyen, who works in sales strategy, believes we can. “I think a balance between work and romance is possible, but you must be realistic about what balance means,” she says. The bottom line? “Your BlackBerry can only keep you company for so long.”
Dr. Twenge agrees. “The culture tells you that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” she says. “That’s not true. Of course, it’s a good thing to have found your way a little bit in a career before you settle down, but you don’t have to be perfect to go out and date. We learn so much about ourselves through relationships.”
Finding balance
The key is knowing when to adjust your priorities, says Alexandra Robbins, author of Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis: Advice from Twentysomethings Who Have Been There and Survived. “Sometimes you’re going to have to put other things aside to make a deadline at work. And sometimes you’re going to realize that you’re not going to meet anyone unless you carve out time in your schedule to put yourself out there.” Robbins advises 20-somethings that “a healthy balance is one in which you have the ability to swing back and forth between career and romance as needed.”
Easier said than done, right? For me, achieving balance meant applying to those master’s programs in England. I reasoned that with the later deadlines for U.S. applications, I still had time to give myself options closer to home. But in the end, I didn’t take those options. In London, I can have my education and my relationship. That’s the best for me. And like any good 20-something, I’m putting myself first.
Actor and comedian Bernie Mac dies at age 50 August 9, 2008
Bernie Mac, the Emmy- and Golden Globe-nominated actor and comedian who worked his way to Hollywood success from an impoverished upbringing on Chicago’s South Side, died Saturday at age 50.
“Actor/comedian Bernie Mac passed away this morning from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital,” his publicist, Danica Smith, said in a statement from Los Angeles.
She said no other details were available and asked that his family’s privacy be respected.
The comedian suffered from sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body’s organs, but had said the condition went into remission in 2005. He recently was hospitalized and treated for pneumonia, which his publicist said was not related to the disease.
Recently, Mac’s brand of comedy caught him flack when he was heckled during a surprise appearance at a July fundraiser for Democratic presidential candidate and fellow Chicagoan Barack Obama.
Toward the end of a 10-minute standup routine, Mac joked about menopause, sexual infidelity and promiscuity, and used occasional crude language. The performance earned him a rebuke from Obama’s campaign.
Always a performer
But despite controversy or difficulties, in his words, Mac was always a performer.
“Wherever I am, I have to play,” he said in 2002. “I have to put on a good show.”
Mac started his comedy career at age 8, with a standup performance at a church dinner. In 1977, at age 20, he took that act to comedy clubs in Chicago.
His film career started with a small role as a club doorman in the Damon Wayans movie “Mo’ Money” in 1992. Mac went on to star in the “Ocean’s Eleven” franchise with Brad Pitt and George Clooney and his turn with Ashton Kutcher in 2005’s “Guess Who?” — a remake of the Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn 1967 classic “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?” — topped the box office.
Mac also had starring roles in “Bad Santa,” “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” and “Transformers.”
The comedian drew critical and popular acclaim with his Fox television series “The Bernie Mac Show,” which aired more than 100 episodes from 2001 to 2006.
The series about a man’s adventures raising his sister’s three children won a Peabody Award in 2002. At the time, judges wrote they chose the sitcom for transcending “race and class while lifting viewers with laughter, compassion — and cool.”
The show garnered Golden Globe and Emmy nominations for Mac. He also was nominated for a Grammy award for best comedy album in 2001 along with his “The Original Kings of Comedy” co-stars, Steve Harvey, D.L. Hughley and Cedric The Entertainer.
Planned to retire soon
In 2007, Mac told David Letterman on CBS’s “Late Show” that he planned to retire soon.
“I’m going to still do my producing, my films, but I want to enjoy my life a little bit,” Mac told Letterman. “I missed a lot of things, you know. I was a street performer for two years. I went into clubs in 1977.”
Mac was born Bernard Jeffrey McCullough on Oct. 5, 1957, in Chicago. He grew up on the city’s South Side, living with his mother and grandparents. His grandfather was the deacon of a Baptist church.
In his 2004 memoir, “Maybe You Never Cry Again,” Mac wrote about having a poor childhood — eating bologna for dinner — and a strict, no-nonsense upbringing.
Mac’s mother died of cancer when he was 16. In his book, Mac said she was a support for him and told him he would surprise everyone when he grew up.
“Woman believed in me,” he wrote. “She believed in me long before I believed.”
