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Who Is Your Ideal Partner? May 28, 2008

Filed under: Romance — Ryann Hayman @ 4:43 pm

In the dating world, it seems that everyone expects the love of their life to fall from a tree and knock them dizzy with bliss. The facts of the matter are hardly as hit-and-miss as our secret desires would like them to be. When someone has a spell of good luck, it’s rarely because of some undeserved, haphazard gift bestowed upon them. If you look back to the period prior to any favorable happenings, you’ll discover a lot of hard work and planning were most likely involved. There is truth in the belief that the effort you put into something will be equal to the result you receive. Where people usually go wrong with this formula is extending the wrong type of effort. The same is true for finding a life mate.If you don’t discern what you want or expect from your life, you’re never going to get it. You wouldn’t expect a business person to start a new business without researching the field and discovering if it’s a suitable fit. Yet, people consistently dive into the dating pool without first making sure of what they want. The fact that someone shows a bit of interest does not mean they are a suitable match for you. In the end, it isn’t just strong affection or love that makes a relationship work. It’s how compatible you are and how you deal with the little day-to-day things that count. The only way to truly discover what you need from a relationship is to actually plan and research exactly what you want.

When you are ready to seriously begin your quest for finding your life mate, use the following steps to help you get started.

Step 1: Do Your Research
No great plan or endeavor can really get off the ground without research. Applying this to your love life may seem strange, but it really only takes a new perspective to get things going. First, analyze your past relationships. What traits or qualities did you really like about your previous partners? Write them down. Then take a look at what aspects of their personalities or your relationship that you disliked. Write those down as well.

You’ll probably get a fairly clear idea of your ideal mate at this point. However, don’t just stop with looking into the past. You’ll get an even more complete picture if you take a look at the people around you who have influenced your overall concept of the ideal relationship. Your parents or other family members’ relationships will affect your opinions greatly. Do the same comparison of likes and dislikes for them. If there are other friends or role models, be sure to analyze those as well.

Step 2: Understand Your Desires
Truly knowing yourself allows you to understand all of your strengths and weaknesses. Once you’re comfortable with what those are, you can find ways to make them work for you. For instance, if you’d rather eat dirt than clean, you know you’ll always need a housekeeper. You also have some more insight on what traits your perfect partner needs to have, in this case a high tolerance for sloppiness. For some of you, the weakness may be an insecurity issue. In this case, while eventually you may get over it, you probably don’t want to get involved with a social butterfly. You’re going to be a lot happier with someone who is a little more reserved in public. Some traits or qualities wouldn’t be considered deal breakers, while others are must haves. Each person is different, so these qualifiers will be unique to each individual. Your job is to figure out the must-have characteristics of your ideal partner.

First, define what you want and need. You did most of this in step one. Now it’s time to expand on your discoveries and get a complete picture of your ideal relationship. Make sure to include small snippets of things you’ve always envisioned doing. For instance, do you imagine someone who enjoys cuddling on the couch while watching scary movies with the snow falling outside? Whatever it is, make sure to write it down so you can refer back to it and make changes as necessary.

Next, you need to determine what certain terminology actually means to you. You won’t be able to express what you expect from a partner if you don’t even know what it is yourself. Take a while and really figure out what exactly does love mean to you. What is your idea of “romance”? What are your views regarding sex? What does marriage mean to you? What about commitment?

Now it’s time to look at what specific requirements you’d like your potential life partner to have. How important is education? What about their level of independence or financial stability? What stage in their career should they be at? What about religious beliefs? Is having a different romantic style a deal breaker?

By knowing ahead of time exactly what it is you’re looking for, you’ll be able to tell early in a relationship if the person you are with matches your criteria. This will allow you to end bad relationships before anything progresses too far. In addition, you’ll be able to move ahead with more confidence when you do find that particular someone who meets your expectations.

Step 3: Put Your Discoveries into Practice
So, you now know what you want, but how do you go about actually getting it? Since there are shelves of books dedicated to this pursuit, I’m just going to give you a few pointers to steer you in the right direction.

The first tip should be fairly obvious, but it’s amazing how often it’s over-looked. You’ve just dedicated all this time to figuring out what makes you tick, so it’s time to use it to your advantage. If you’re looking for someone to date, don’t go to a place you’re not likely to meet anyone with those qualifications. Try to find the best possible places where the odds of meeting someone with your particular interests are higher. If you love to cook, join some cooking classes. If you love to read, join a book club. If you love dancing, take some dance lessons. A little research into what your city offers could pay off quite nicely. When you talk with someone you are interested in, try bringing up the hobbies and interests you enjoy. Get a gauge early on as to whether you actually have things in common. This is also a great conversational segue to asking for an actual date.

When you go on your dates, do things that reflect how you want your marriage or long-term relationship to be. For instance, if you enjoy shopping, take your date on a few trips to the mall. If you love the outdoors, let your dates reflect that. Not only will you be finding out if you both enjoy the same things, you’ll also be giving your potential partner a better glimpse at who you really are. Even if things don’t work out romantically, if you discover you share common interests, you’ve at least gained a friendship.


DIDDY AND TRACEY EDMONDS A COUPLE?: Mogul says Cannes photos reflect business relationship, nothing more

Filed under: Entertainment — Ryann Hayman @ 4:41 pm

Both Sean “Diddy” Combs and Tracey Edmonds are denying reports in a UK newspaper that they have been secretly dating.


       U.K.’s Daily Mail even quoted Edmonds as saying: “Diddy is the funniest man I ever met” and that she’s “so lucky to find someone so soon after Eddie.” She was also quoted as saying that Diddy is more of a man than Murphy, whom she broke up with in January.


      “Tracey Edmonds never uttered the words quoted in the [tabloid],” her rep tells People magazine in a statement calling the Daily Mail story “a complete fabrication.”


      A rep for Diddy tells E! News: “Sean is very single. He and Tracey have known each other for over 10 years.”


KANYE, COMMON, METH&RED SUED OVER JAZZ SAMPLE: Daughter of musician Joe Farrell trying to collect for ‘Upon This Rock’

Filed under: Entertainment,Hip Hip — Ryann Hayman @ 4:40 pm

Kanye West, Common, Method Man and Redman are being sued, along with their respective Universal Music Group record companies, by a woman who claims their music unlawfully sampled a song by her father, late jazz musician Joe Farrell.


      In her copyright infringement filing, Kathleen Firantello claims her dad’s 1974 song “Upon This Rock” was sampled by West in his 2005 track “Gone” from the album “Late Registration”; as well as by rapper Common in “Chi-City,” a bonus track on his 2005 album “Be.” She also claims that Method Man and Redman sampled the jazz loop  in their 1999 duet, “Run 4 Cover.”


      Firantello is seeking punitive damages of at least $1 million and an order that no more copies of the offending songs be made, sold or performed, reports E! Online.


RAY J HEAVED FROM HYATT: Report says he had drugs in his room

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ryann Hayman @ 4:38 pm

According to a TMZ.com report, super stud and bad boy, Ray J was told in no uncertain terms to take his business elsewhere.


      The establishment telling him to get to packing was the Hyatt Regency in Washington, DC this past Saturday.


      Allegedly he was told to leave because hotel security found a stash of marijuana and a drug called “Boat” which TMZ says is “kinda like ecstasy.”


      Apparently Ray J got “busted” after he returned from partying and someone dropped a dime to hotel management. When hotel security went to his room they allegedly found all the weed and the “Boat” drug.


      Additionally, according to the report, Ray J acted a complete fool with the hotel, but eventually his own security stepped in and took him to another hotel, reportedly a Holiday Inn nearby.


BEY-JAY LAYING DOWN ROOTS IN SCARSDALE?: Plus, is Beyonce recording the new James Bond theme in place of Amy Winehouse?

Filed under: Entertainment,Romance — Ryann Hayman @ 4:36 pm

Word has it that Beyonce and Jay-Z are looking to settle down in Scarsdale, New York, the town where the couple secured a marriage license before their April 4 nuptials in Manhattan.       

       According to TMZ.com, the newlyweds are about to buy a huge mansion in the area. The rumored colonial-style house has about 15,000 square feet on approximately two acres of land. It has been under construction for about six months.      

       In other Beyonce news, WENN is reporting that she has been approached by producers of the next James Bond film to record the theme song in place of Amy Winehouse. The British Grammy winner was rumored to have been dropped after her producer DJ Mark Ronson told reporters that she wasn’t “ready” to work on music after a recent return to her erratic ways.      

       But on Saturday (May 24), Winehouse confirmed that she has, in fact, completed the Bond song – although she is unsure whether studio execs will green-light the track for use in the film.


BET BITS: MC Lyte featured on BET J’s ‘Real Life Divas’; ‘American Gangster’s’ season two on DVD in June

Filed under: Entertainment,Hip Hip — Ryann Hayman @ 4:35 pm

BET J will premiere an all-new episode of its original series “Real Life Divas” tomorrow night (May 29) at 10 featuring rap pioneer MC Lyte. In the half-hour episode, Lyte discusses her rise from being one of rap’s first female stars to successfully breaking into acting, TV appearances, radio and film. Whodini’s Ecstasy, rap legend Kool Moe Dee, veteran rap diva YoYo and DJ K-Rock are among those who make appearances.


       *BET’s “American Gangster: The Complete Second Season” arrives on DVD June 10. Season 2 features 10 hour-long episodes highlighting the stories of Frank Lucas, John Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, The Philly Black Mafia, Larry Hoover, “Little Melvin” Williams, Felix Mitchell, Jeff Fort, Chaz Williams, Rayful Edmond III and Kenneth “Supreme” McGriff.


BAHAMAS MILKS NICK AND MARIAH WEDDING: Island’s tourism board now touting Eleuthera as ‘perfect destination for nuptials’

Filed under: Entertainment — Ryann Hayman @ 4:33 pm

The Bahamas tourist board is looking to cash in on the recent attention surrounding the secret wedding of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, which took place at her $5 million mansion on the island of Eleuthera.      

       Suddenly, the Bahamas is being touted in a major new travel promotion campaign on Bahamas.com as the perfect wedding locale.      

       In addition to Carey and Cannon, other notables who got hitched in the Bahamas include supermodel Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber, NFL commentator Deion Sanders, Google co-founder Sergey Brin, Robert DeNiro’s son Richard DeNiro, and singer-songwriter Solange Knowles, according to Bahamas.com.


       Carey, 38, and Cannon, 27, tied the knot on April 30 after a courtship that began in late March.