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What’s Holding You Back? October 30, 2008

Filed under: Romance — Ryann Hayman @ 4:04 pm


Do you feel any pressure on your chest right now? No, I’m not talking about the effects from eating your Aunt Lisa’s day old greens. But I do believe there is this invisible force that keeps pushing you back every time you get close to being in a serious relationship. So how can we fix the problem? The first step would be to identify certain areas in your life that need to change. That’s why I’ve decided to unveil theTop 5 Things That Are Holding You Back in Relationships.

(Note: No matter what you try to tell yourself, the fact that you’re still holding out hope that Will and Jada will one day get a divorce is not the main thing that’s holding you back.)

1. Your past still haunts you.

I’m a living witness that being hurt in the past can stay with you for quite some time. In the end though, that pain can actually build character and help you become a better, stronger person. But that’s only if you turn that negative experience into something positive. There are some people who use their past disappointment as the primary reason for them to never trust again. But if you continue to let the past hold you back, you’ll find yourself like Snoop Dogg at his Soul Plane Oscar Party…alone.

2. Somebody told you that the grass was greener.

The idea that there’s something or someone out there that’s better for you can oftentimes hold you back from giving your all in a relationship. On the one hand, you should never settle for a can of spam when you can potentially have a steak. But it’s the people who already have the steak though that really bother me. Instead of just being content with having all of their needs met, they instead try to convince themselves that it’s not enough, ultimately sacrificing what they have just to find out if they were right. Basing your love life on these types of “what-ifs” will leave you more unfulfilled than the time I tried to watch that VH1 special on Paris Hilton.

3. Your self-esteem could use a boost.

I know what you’re thinking. How can your self-esteem hold you back from finding happiness in your love life? Easy. If you don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror, then certain questions will eventually begin to creep in like, “Why would they want to be with someone like me?” “Are they going to disappoint me like my last relationship?” “Will I be alone for the rest of my life, with nothing to do but eat TV dinners and watch reruns of ‘Gimme A Break’?”

Ok, maybe not the last question, but the fact still remains that a drastic dip in your self-esteem can have you avoiding relationships like Al Green running from a pot of hot grits.

4. Your friends are sabotaging you.

We’ve all heard of people that possess a crabs-in-a-barrel mentality. But I bet you never thought your friends could be capable of this type of behavior. Sometimes the main people that are holding us back are the ones that are the closest to us. I know that your girl Sheila was there for you when you were behind on your rent. And I also know that your boy Kevin had your back when your company was downsizing. But let me ask you this. Have they ever truly been happy for you when you were in a relationship? Or did they constantly find ways to poke holes into your happiness, convincing you to be alone just like them? I’m not saying that all of your friends are like this. But be aware that there may be some people in your life that don’t have your best interests at heart…sort of like Flavor Flav’s dentist. (He can’t care about Flav…I’m sorry…he can’t.)

5. You rely too much on the approval of others.

From your mother, to your coworkers, to the guy that sells you scratch-off lottery tickets at the gas station, you’ve always had a bad habit of basing your happiness on what other people think. So what if they don’t like it that you’re dating Bookman from “Goodtimes.” As long as you’re happy and you’re being loved, honored, and respected, then you shouldn’t let their opinions hold you back.

The Fly Guy Moral:

So now is the time for you to make a choice. Are you going to make some changes in your life so you can give yourself a fair shot at finding love? Or will you continue down this same path that keeps holding you back? Whatever the case may be, I hope my words have served as a wakeup call for you, and force you to take a long, hard look at the way you currently love.


3 Tips To Help Sustain Your Relationship

Filed under: Romance — Ryann Hayman @ 4:03 pm


Pop quiz. What’s the safest way to ensure a healthy, happy relationship? While I can’t audibly hear your response, I’m 98.7 percent sure that your answer includes suggestions like developing trust and promoting open lines of communication. (The other 1.3 percent of me doesn’t really care what you think as that side of me is currently focused on the “Diff’rent Strokes” marathon about to start on TV Land.) But my nostalgic distractions aside, the rest of me feels compelled to offer an alternative to your relationship philosophy. While I can’t disagree with the importance of your points, my personal experiences have led me to adopt three essential keys which have proven vital in any attempt to sustain a healthy relationship. They are: strength, courage and wisdom.


I was recently speaking to a group of friends, and over the course of our conversation, I began to share my three-fold approach to sustaining a healthy relationship. As I delved into the particulars, many within the group loudly objected to strength sitting at the top of my list.

“What does strength have to do with anything?” they loudly slurred while signaling the bartender to bring a fourth round of drinks. “Why aren’t you discussing the real issues that tear a relationship apart, like a lack of trust or miscommunication?”

What they didn’t understand was that a person’s individual strength plays a key role in dictating the direction of the relationship. Is a person strong enough to avoid losing their individualism for the sake of pleasing the other person? And do they possess enough strength to resist the temptations that can come from the outside world and encourage cardinal sins like infidelity?

These and other questions should be asked when assessing the level of your own strength as it pertains to your relationship.


Despite the perpetual happiness of Rebecca and Uncle Jesse on “Full House” from TGIF’s of yesteryear, adversity knocks on every couple’s door—whether it’s overcoming infidelity, ignoring the increasingly loud voice of disapproving family members, or facing financial troubles capable of sapping the life out of any couple.

When dealing with these types of adversity, couples are faced with a choice: You can either have the courage to stay the course and fight for the relationship that you believe in. Or you can do like most people, and bail at the first sign of trouble. (This could help to explain our alarming national divorce rate.)

I personally long for the days when more brave souls are willing to stand up and say, “Despite everything that we are currently going through, I love you and I’m willing to stick with it to figure things out.”

But that takes real courage … something that is sorely lacking nowadays.


Wisdom within the context of a relationship can have many faces. For starters, it takes a considerable amount of wisdom to understand and appreciate the undeniable fact that throughout the course of your relationship, each person is bound to grow, mature and ultimately evolve. But many people (myself included) have used the idea of growth, as a primary reason to move on to something new. (Be honest, how many of you have cited “growing apart” as the reason that you left your relationship?)

A wise man (or woman) understands that change is inevitable, that growth is necessary, and that evolution is a way of life. They also understand that in order to account for those changes, both people have to be willing to adapt as the situation calls for it. Traditional dinner and movie dates are bound to get old. Anniversary outings to the Cheesecake Factory are destined to lose their luster. And an overall stubbornness to accept the change within a person is the first step leading to a couple’s demise.

It’s a good thing that wisdom serves as a capable antidote to the relational ills prompted by an indisposition to change.

The Fly Guy Moral: With that being said, here’s the absolute bottom line. Relationships take work. And if you aren’t ready to roll up your sleeves, and exercise a little strength, courage, and wisdom, then you’ll never be able to fully realize the true potential of your relationship. Your thoughts?



Filed under: General News — Ryann Hayman @ 4:01 pm


A gun was recovered by Chicago police during a search for evidence in the murders of Jennifer Hudson’s nephew, mother and brother.


      Cops found the weapon Wednesday afternoon in thick weeds in a vacant lot near where Hudson’s nephew, 7-year-old Julian King, was found shot to death inside a SUV on the West Side.      

       It was not immediately known whether the gun was used in the killings of Hudson’s mother, brother and nephew.  Police Deputy Chief Nick Roti said the firearm would be sent to the Illinois State Police Crime Lab to be tested.      

       Police, yesterday, sent about 100 personnel to the area near 13th Street and Kolin Avenue to search for evidence.  The handgun was found around 1:30 p.m. about a block from where the vehicle was parked along the street.       

       All three victims were shot to death. King, was shot twice in the head with a .45-caliber weapon, the same caliber used in the murders of his uncle and grandmother, authorities said.      

       Meanwhile, law-enforcement sources told the Chicago Tribune that more than one person might have been involved in the killings.       

       Investigators are trying to determine whether another individual drove “person of interest,” William Balfour, to the West Side of Chicago after the killings at the Hudsons’ South Side home. Balfour remains jailed on unrelated charges as police search for clues.





Filed under: General News — Ryann Hayman @ 3:58 pm
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TMZ has obtained arrest reports and other documents in connection with a March 4, 2002 sting operation in which Chicago police targeted Jason Hudson, Jennifer’s murdered brother, and Gregory King, the father of Jennifer’s murdered 7-year-old nephew Julian.


       The Web site reported Wednesday:


        Both men allegedly sold crack cocaine to a registered informant. Cops then raided the very home where Jason was murdered last week. According to documents, Jason, Gregory and Julia (Jennifer’s sister) were all arrested.        

        Julia was never charged with a crime. Jason was charged with cocaine trafficking, but the main count was dismissed in 2004 because the judge ruled police conducted an illegal search. During that hearing, Jennifer’s mom had to choose whether to go to Hollywood to watch her daughter on “American Idol” or be in court…she chose the latter.       

        Gregory was convicted. Jason agreed to enroll in a drug abuse program and the less serious remaining charge was dismissed.       

        Cops say Jason and Gregory were affiliated with the gang, Gangster Disciples. That’s the same gang that William Balfour, the “person of interest” was in. The lawyer who repped Jason told TMZ cops often jumped to conclusions and assumed people in that neighborhood were gang members.



Filed under: Uncategorized — Ryann Hayman @ 3:55 pm


T.I. thought his voting privileges were revoked because he’s a convicted felon, but under Georgia Law, felons are still eligible if they’re not currently serving probation or a prison sentence.


       “Until he is sentenced in the federal case, he doesn’t have a conviction yet,” said lawyer, Steve Sadow of his 28-year-old client, whose real name is Clifford Harris. “Even though he is a convicted felon, he has a right to vote since he is not serving probation and hasn’t started his prison sentence.”      

       Because his jail term doesn’t begin until late March, the rapper immediately got himself to an early polling station in Atlanta yesterday to cast his ballot for the next President of the United States.       

       “It’s a relief,” the rap star told the Associated Press Wednesday before voting for the first time in his life. “This what it is all about, not staying up late and waking up early to vote. Now rather than just talking about it, I’m being about it. I’m leading by example, and it makes me feel a lot better.”      

       After standing in line for less than 10 minutes, T.I. emerged with an “I’m a Georgia Voter” sticker planted on his black vest. He signed autographs and took photos with several fans who were stunned to see the Grammy-winning artist at the polls.


       A spokesman for the Georgia Secretary of State’s office confirmed that T.I. was eligible to vote.



Filed under: Entertainment — Ryann Hayman @ 3:54 pm


Usher is about to launch his “One Night Stand Ladies Only” tour Sunday in Atlantic City, N.J. in support of his current CD “Here I Stand,” but he’s already plotting the logistics of his next album, telling Billboard.com it will be a “worldwide entertainment experience.”      

       It’s “all about adapting new musical styles in creating a unique blend between what I know works here in America and what I know will be appreciated worldwide,” he says. “I may go to France and do some work. I may go to London … Japan.      

       “There’s tons of artists I want to work with abroad. I can’t give you specific (names) but I am interested in working with artists who are out of the range I’m accustomed to. I want to try new things.”      

       Usher said he hasn’t started recording but that the album would be the next thing on his to-do list, following the tour and an “ensemble” movie that’s among the film projects he’s considering.       

       Leading up to the tour, Usher — an outspoken supporter of Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama — has released a socially conscious new single, “Hush,” via iTunes. Proceeds from sales of the song will go to the singer’s New Look Foundation.



Filed under: Entertainment — Ryann Hayman @ 3:53 pm
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While Lil Wayne, Jay-Z and Ne-Yo rocked the crowd at Power 105’s Powerhouse concert Tuesday night in New Jersey, all three were upstaged by a surprise appearance from Beyonce.


       The singer entered the stage during her husband Jay-Z’s set and with two background dancers performed the choreography from her new song, “Single Ladies.”       

       Without saying or singing one word, she performed the dance routine from the video in black stretch pants and a black turtleneck, then ended the set by flashing her huge wedding ring before walking off.


       The other headline of the night was an anticipated joint performance that never happened.  Many fans thought that Jay-Z would join Wayne for their duet “Mr. Carter,” but Weezy rapped alone on the track.       

       Jay-Z was the evening’s last performer and ended his set by reminding the crowd to vote on Nov. 4.      

       “This is the most important election ever,” he said. “Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run and Obama is running so we all could fly.”