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What’s Holding You Back? October 30, 2008

Filed under: Romance — Ryann Hayman @ 4:04 pm
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Do you feel any pressure on your chest right now? No, I’m not talking about the effects from eating your Aunt Lisa’s day old greens. But I do believe there is this invisible force that keeps pushing you back every time you get close to being in a serious relationship. So how can we fix the problem? The first step would be to identify certain areas in your life that need to change. That’s why I’ve decided to unveil theTop 5 Things That Are Holding You Back in Relationships.

(Note: No matter what you try to tell yourself, the fact that you’re still holding out hope that Will and Jada will one day get a divorce is not the main thing that’s holding you back.)

1. Your past still haunts you.

I’m a living witness that being hurt in the past can stay with you for quite some time. In the end though, that pain can actually build character and help you become a better, stronger person. But that’s only if you turn that negative experience into something positive. There are some people who use their past disappointment as the primary reason for them to never trust again. But if you continue to let the past hold you back, you’ll find yourself like Snoop Dogg at his Soul Plane Oscar Party…alone.

2. Somebody told you that the grass was greener.

The idea that there’s something or someone out there that’s better for you can oftentimes hold you back from giving your all in a relationship. On the one hand, you should never settle for a can of spam when you can potentially have a steak. But it’s the people who already have the steak though that really bother me. Instead of just being content with having all of their needs met, they instead try to convince themselves that it’s not enough, ultimately sacrificing what they have just to find out if they were right. Basing your love life on these types of “what-ifs” will leave you more unfulfilled than the time I tried to watch that VH1 special on Paris Hilton.

3. Your self-esteem could use a boost.

I know what you’re thinking. How can your self-esteem hold you back from finding happiness in your love life? Easy. If you don’t like what you see when you look in the mirror, then certain questions will eventually begin to creep in like, “Why would they want to be with someone like me?” “Are they going to disappoint me like my last relationship?” “Will I be alone for the rest of my life, with nothing to do but eat TV dinners and watch reruns of ‘Gimme A Break’?”

Ok, maybe not the last question, but the fact still remains that a drastic dip in your self-esteem can have you avoiding relationships like Al Green running from a pot of hot grits.

4. Your friends are sabotaging you.

We’ve all heard of people that possess a crabs-in-a-barrel mentality. But I bet you never thought your friends could be capable of this type of behavior. Sometimes the main people that are holding us back are the ones that are the closest to us. I know that your girl Sheila was there for you when you were behind on your rent. And I also know that your boy Kevin had your back when your company was downsizing. But let me ask you this. Have they ever truly been happy for you when you were in a relationship? Or did they constantly find ways to poke holes into your happiness, convincing you to be alone just like them? I’m not saying that all of your friends are like this. But be aware that there may be some people in your life that don’t have your best interests at heart…sort of like Flavor Flav’s dentist. (He can’t care about Flav…I’m sorry…he can’t.)

5. You rely too much on the approval of others.

From your mother, to your coworkers, to the guy that sells you scratch-off lottery tickets at the gas station, you’ve always had a bad habit of basing your happiness on what other people think. So what if they don’t like it that you’re dating Bookman from “Goodtimes.” As long as you’re happy and you’re being loved, honored, and respected, then you shouldn’t let their opinions hold you back.

The Fly Guy Moral:

So now is the time for you to make a choice. Are you going to make some changes in your life so you can give yourself a fair shot at finding love? Or will you continue down this same path that keeps holding you back? Whatever the case may be, I hope my words have served as a wakeup call for you, and force you to take a long, hard look at the way you currently love.

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