Can I ask you a personal question? Don’t worry, your answer will be kept between you, me, and whoever else decides to read this:
Have you ever been cheated on before?
Well judging from the letters and emails that I receive daily, it sure seems that way. And while the large majority of our correspondence focuses on ways to detect infidelity, dealing with an unfaithful lover encompasses more than just being able to detect the signs of a cheater. So with that being said, let’s unveil my Nine Step Guide For Handling a Cheater.
Step 1: Check your source.
Before you begin making wild accusations, ask yourself this: Where are your suspicions coming from? Did they originate from your Grandma Ola Mae’s dream book? (”Baby, I dreamed about peas and creamed corn last night, so that must mean Bobby is cheating on you.”) If that’s your only source, then try to find more reliable information.
Step 2: Make sure it’s not you.
Could it be that your mind is playing tricks on you? If you have a history of being an overly jealous lover, then make sure you are not prematurely jumping to conclusions.
(Listen, everyone knows about the incident at church when you accused your girlfriend of being unfaithful shortly after she took communion. From what I hear, you claimed she disrespected you by eating the body and drinking the blood of another man. So sad.)
Step 3: Something’s Fishy.
You have this nauseating feeling resting at the pit of your stomach. Every bone in your body can sense the air of uncertainty surrounding your relationship. When it gets this bad, trust your instincts and find the underlying cause of your feelings.
Step 4: Seeing is believing.
It’s one thing to have a sneaking suspicion. It’s an entirely different ballgame when you actually catch your lover knee-deep in someone else. Now is the time for some decisive action.
Step 5: Take safety precautions.
If the infidelity is certain, then you have to begin thinking about your physical and mental health. In both of those areas, it’s medically unsafe to be involved with someone who’s being sexually irresponsible. After all, who wants to be stressed out while simultaneously running the risk of contracting some new strain of Sexual Ebola?
Step 6: Step out of the situation.
If you can’t give yourself unbiased advice, then step out of the situation. Think about what you told your girl Patrice when she found out about Andre’s secret love affair. In the end, you may find it easier to approach your situation by picturing someone else in it.
Step 7: Talk it out.
You have to approach your fears, and confront your significant other with the cold hard facts. Discuss your feelings, and let them know that you haven’t been this hurt since they abruptly replaced Aunt Viv on the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.”
Step 8: Open your ears.
Simply put, you need to listen. That’s the key to step 8. Hear them out, and get their side of the story—even if you know that they are full of it.
Step 9: Decision time.
This step separates the men from the boys and the women from Rosie O’Donnell. You have to inform them of your intentions. Will you stay? Will you go? This is the time to make that known. Once that decision is made, there’s no turning back.