As the chief of the Behavior Police Department, I felt compelled to release this warning to any man currently engaged in a serious relationship. During my tenure as the head of BPD, relationship crimes in our community have been reduced by a whopping 47%. With that being said, I can only hope that you take heed to the following warning so our streets can continue to be safe.
If your woman is engaged in any of the following behavior, then the likelihood of her being involved with another man is dramatically increased. This suspicious behavior can include any of the following:
1. A sudden interest in going to the gym. (This sign is particularly alarming if she doesn’t invite you to be her workout partner.)
2. A dramatic increase in her attention to wardrobe, both when going to work and when hanging out with “friends.” Also, be mindful of any new fragrances that she may begin to wear, as well as any noticeable increase in hair appointments that don’t directly correlate with a promotion or bonus at work.
3. If she abruptly stops complaining about the things that used to drive her crazy, then consider it a certainty that something is afoul.
**If your woman is guilty of any one of these offenses, then email me at firstname.lastname@example.org so we can develop a sound strategy to attack the problem head on.
But in the unfortunate event that she is guilty of multiple offenses, then all I can suggest is prayer. God speed my brother.