After a long day of pushing myself creatively, I decided to step away from the computer and head to one of my favorite lounges to have a drink. So my cousin and I drove over, but to our surprise, the place was unusually packed for a Monday night. Normally this would have upset me—since I don’t like being around a lot of people when I’m trying to relax –but tonight was different.
As I posted up by the bar, and ordered my customary Woodford Reserve with a splash of ginger ale, I caught the eye of this incredibly beautiful woman. I initially tried to ignore the mutual attraction between us, but every time I looked up, there she was … sipping on her martini and smiling at yours truly. I flashed a smile back, but before I could even make my next move, she walked over and parked right next to me.
“Hi, I’m Brandy,” she said while leaning in close, further relaying her interest.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you Brandy,” I politely offered, still keeping my cool.
“I hope this isn’t too forward,” she continued. “But I saw you, and couldn’t take my eyes off of your beautiful smile. But now that I’m over here, I realize that you have something about you that’s even more beautiful.”
(This girl was really trying to work me.) “And what’s that Brandy?”
She leaned in even closer, and whispered in my ear. “Your crotch,” she playfully teased. “The bulge in your pants lets me know that you really know how to please a woman.”
An awkward silence ensued, accompanied by an even more awkward smile. Now at this point, I’ve never had someone publicly compliment my crotch, so I was faced with a dilemma. Should I:
(a). Return the favor by complimenting one of her body parts?
“You know baby, it’s funny you say that. When I spotted you from across the room, I was thinking to myself that your perky breasts are two of the most symmetrical breasts that I have ever seen in my life. I mean they are perfect in every way.”
(b). Acknowledge the compliment and give it credence.
“I’m glad you noticed. I come from a long line of bulging men. My dad, my granddad, and even his father all had big crotches.”
Or (c). Politely excuse myself.
“I’m sorry, but I have to run. I think I left a pot of hot dog water sitting on the stove at home. And you know how that stuff can stink if you leave it sitting there too long.”
I know there are some men out there who believe I’m ignoring a fourth option. That’s the option where I take her home with me, but that was never really in play here. I ended up going with the Option C, and politely excused myself.
Why you may ask?
Because at this point in my life, I’m smart enough to know that if someone is that sexually forward in her introduction, then that’s probably not the cup of hot water that I should be sticking my tea bag in (get your mind out of the gutter … that was a metaphor for life.)
With that being said, I was struck by the fact that one of the first things that she noticed was my “crotch.” That was new to me, but it did provide me with the Fly Question of the Day.
What is the first thing that you notice when you meet someone new? (Sorry…crotch did not make this list.)